I’m trying to put your things away – some of the things I washed yesterday- so I’m emptying out your dresser, so I can put my things in there. We never had enough closet space in this house, but we never had all our clothes here so it didn’t matter much. But now I’ve brought most of my stuff from the place in MD, and I have your side of the bed full of clothes that need put away.

I knew if I started touching your things- folding them, placing them in piles, it would make it feel more real. I was right. I know I need to do it and to feel it, but it hurts so much. I pulled out the outfit you wore at our beach wedding and just laid my head down on the pile of your clothes and cried.

I’m just going to put the piles on the shelves in the downstairs closet for now. I’ll let Ryan and Grace go through them to see if they want anything. But then what? What do people do with their spouse’s old underwear??? I had to laugh when I pulled out that one pair… you had them the entire time I knew you… just couldn’t bear to part with them, I guess.

I realized this morning that our first date was on December 13th, 2008 and you died on May 13th, 2017. Exactly 8 1/2 years together. So does that make the 13th lucky or unlucky? I’m not sure. I just know…

I miss you